Why Is Uncertainty So Hard to Deal With?
Waiting for test results.
Not knowing how someone feels about you.
Sending an important email and waiting for a reply.
Starting a new job.
Waiting to hear whether you've been successful in an interview.
Wondering what will happen with a relationship, your finances, your health, or something happening at work.
Sometimes the hardest part isn't receiving bad news.
It's not knowing.
When something feels uncertain, you might notice your mind becoming unusually busy.
You think through every possible outcome.
Search online for more information.
Ask someone what they think.
Check your phone again.
Replay what happened.
Try to prepare for every possibility.
For a moment, doing something can make you feel better.
But before long, another question appears:
"But what if...?"
Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life. Yet for some people, not knowing can feel particularly difficult to tolerate.
So why does uncertainty make us so uncomfortable — and why can trying to eliminate it sometimes make anxiety worse?
Why Do Our Brains Prefer Certainty?
Our brains are constantly trying to predict what happens next.
Most of the time, this is incredibly useful.
We learn patterns.
We anticipate consequences.
We plan ahead.
We prepare for problems.
If you know you have an important meeting tomorrow, thinking about what you need to prepare is sensible.
If the weather forecast predicts heavy rain, taking an umbrella is useful.
Predictability helps us navigate the world efficiently.
The difficulty comes when the outcome can't be known yet.
The brain still wants an answer.
So it keeps searching.
What Is Intolerance of Uncertainty?
Psychologists sometimes use the term intolerance of uncertainty to describe a tendency to find uncertain situations particularly difficult or distressing.
It doesn't mean someone simply dislikes uncertainty.
Most people prefer knowing what's going to happen.
Instead, uncertainty itself can begin to feel threatening.
Thoughts might include:
"I need to know."
"I won't be able to cope if something goes wrong."
"I need to prepare for every possibility."
"I can't relax until this is sorted."
"Not knowing is unbearable."
The mind then tries to reduce the uncertainty.
That's where worry, checking, reassurance-seeking and overthinking can enter the picture.
Why Does Uncertainty Turn Into Worry?
Worry can feel like preparation.
Suppose you're waiting to hear whether you've been offered a new job.
Your mind starts running through possibilities:
"What if I don't get it?"
"What will I do then?"
"Maybe I answered that question badly."
"Perhaps I should have given a different example."
"What if nobody else offers me a job?"
The brain may feel as though it is helping.
If it can anticipate every possible outcome, perhaps nothing will catch you off guard.
But notice what has happened.
You've moved from a real uncertainty:
"I don't know whether I've got the job."
to trying to solve a series of hypothetical problems that may never happen.
This is one reason worry can become repetitive.
Every answer creates another "what if?"
Problem-Solving and Worry Aren't the Same Thing
This distinction is important.
Not all thinking about uncertain situations is unhelpful.
Sometimes there is a problem we can actually do something about.
For example:
Problem: I have an interview tomorrow.
Action: Prepare examples, plan the journey and get a reasonable night's sleep.
That's problem-solving.
But imagine continuing:
"What if they ask something I haven't prepared?"
"What if the other candidates are better?"
"What if I don't get the job?"
"What if I can't find another one?"
There may be no useful action available for those questions right now.
The thinking has shifted from preparation to an attempt to achieve certainty.
A helpful question can therefore be:
"Is there something useful I can do about this now?"
If yes, do it.
If no, more thinking may not provide more control.
Why Reassurance Feels So Helpful
When we're uncertain, reassurance can bring immediate relief.
You might ask:
"Do you think I handled that okay?"
"Are you sure you're not annoyed with me?"
"Do you think this symptom is anything to worry about?"
"Do you think I'll get the job?"
Someone reassures you.
Your anxiety drops.
That relief is real.
The problem is that it may not last.
Soon another doubt appears:
"But how do they know?"
"Maybe they're just trying to make me feel better."
"What if they've missed something?"
So you seek reassurance again.
Over time, the brain can learn:
Uncertainty is dangerous, and I need reassurance before I can feel safe.
Something intended to reduce anxiety can therefore unintentionally strengthen the belief that uncertainty itself is difficult to cope with.
Why Checking Can Become a Cycle
Checking works in a similar way.
You send an important email.
Ten minutes later, you check for a reply.
Nothing.
You check again.
Still nothing.
Perhaps you reread the message you sent.
"Did that sound okay?"
You check the recipient.
Check whether it definitely sent.
Check your inbox again.
Each check briefly gives you the feeling that you're doing something.
But the underlying uncertainty remains.
You still don't know when they'll reply or what they'll say.
The brain then asks you to check again.
This is why repeated checking can sometimes increase rather than resolve anxiety.
The Internet Has Made Certainty Easier to Chase
We now have extraordinary amounts of information available almost instantly.
That's often useful.
But it also means we can keep searching long after we've obtained the information we actually need.
You can read:
One article.
Then another.
Then a forum.
Then a discussion thread.
Then search the question slightly differently.
This is particularly tempting when you're worried.
The next search always holds the possibility of finally finding the answer that makes you feel certain.
But when the real problem is uncertainty rather than lack of information, more information doesn't necessarily provide reassurance.
Sometimes it simply creates more possibilities to worry about.
Why Do Some People Find Uncertainty Harder Than Others?
People differ in how comfortable they feel with uncertainty.
There isn't one reason for this.
Previous experiences may play a role.
If unpredictable situations have led to difficult outcomes in the past, being prepared may have become particularly important.
Some people naturally prefer structure and predictability.
Others may have learned that mistakes have significant consequences.
Perfectionism can also contribute.
If you believe you must make the right decision, uncertainty becomes particularly uncomfortable because you cannot guarantee the outcome in advance.
Stress matters too.
When you're already overwhelmed or exhausted, even relatively small uncertainties can feel much harder to manage.
Perfectionism and the Search for the "Right" Decision
Uncertainty can make decision-making particularly difficult for people with perfectionistic tendencies.
You might think:
"What if I choose the wrong option?"
So you research.
Compare.
Make lists.
Ask other people.
Think about it again.
Perhaps you make a decision — and then start wondering whether the other choice would have been better.
The problem is that many decisions cannot be evaluated with certainty beforehand.
There may not be a perfect option.
Often, we're choosing between several reasonable possibilities with incomplete information.
Trying to guarantee that you'll never regret a decision can leave you unable to make one.
Why Does Uncertainty Feel Worse When We're Already Stressed?
When life feels manageable, we often tolerate quite a lot of uncertainty without noticing.
But during periods of stress, our capacity can change.
Imagine your mind is already managing:
Work pressures
Financial concerns
Family responsibilities
Poor sleep
Relationship difficulties
Health worries
Then another uncertain situation appears.
Even if it seems relatively small, it becomes one more thing your brain has to monitor.
You may find yourself increasingly trying to regain control.
Planning more.
Checking more.
Thinking further ahead.
This can explain why uncertainty sometimes becomes particularly difficult during periods of prolonged stress or burnout.
The Illusion of Complete Control
There is an uncomfortable reality underneath all of this:
We can influence many things.
But we cannot control everything.
We can prepare carefully for an interview without controlling the outcome.
We can communicate thoughtfully without controlling how another person interprets us.
We can make sensible plans without knowing exactly what the future holds.
We can make a well-considered decision without guaranteeing we'll never regret it.
This isn't an argument for becoming passive.
There is an important difference between:
doing what is reasonably within our control
and
trying to remove all uncertainty.
The first is often useful.
The second is usually impossible.
Avoiding Uncertainty Can Make It Feel Bigger
If uncertainty feels threatening, it makes sense that we'd try to avoid it.
You might:
Put off decisions
Avoid unfamiliar situations
Stay in situations that feel safe but unsatisfying
Overprepare
Ask other people to decide for you
Avoid taking opportunities unless success feels guaranteed
In the short term, avoidance reduces discomfort.
But it also prevents you from discovering something important:
You may be more capable of coping with uncertainty than you think.
If you only act when you feel certain, your brain never gets the opportunity to learn that you can act without certainty.
What Can Help With Uncertainty?
The aim isn't to learn to love uncertainty.
And it isn't to stop planning, checking, asking questions or seeking information altogether.
Those things can all be useful.
Instead, the aim is to recognise when you're doing something because it genuinely helps and when you're doing it primarily to make uncertainty disappear.
1. Identify the Actual Uncertainty
Try putting the uncertainty into one sentence.
For example:
"I don't know whether they'll offer me the job."
Or:
"I don't know what that person thought about our conversation."
Or:
"I don't know whether I've made the best possible decision."
This can prevent the mind expanding one uncertainty into dozens of hypothetical problems.
2. Ask Whether There Is an Action You Can Take
Ask:
"Is there something useful and proportionate I can do about this now?"
If there is, take the action.
If you've done what you reasonably can, recognise that the remaining problem may be uncertainty rather than something that requires further solving.
3. Notice Reassurance-Seeking
Before asking for reassurance, pause.
What are you hoping the other person will give you?
Information?
Or certainty?
If you've already asked the same question and received an answer, asking again may provide relief without actually resolving the underlying difficulty.
4. Experiment With Checking Less
If you repeatedly check emails, messages or other information, try delaying the next check.
Start small.
You're not trying to prove that nothing bad will happen.
You're practising experiencing uncertainty without immediately responding to it.
5. Allow Decisions to Be "Good Enough"
Some decisions deserve considerable thought.
Others don't.
Ask yourself:
"How important is this decision really?"
Then decide how much time and information it reasonably deserves.
A good decision doesn't guarantee a good outcome.
It means making the best choice you can with the information available at the time.
6. Practise Small Amounts of Uncertainty
Tolerance develops through experience.
You might:
Send a message without rereading it several times
Choose something without researching every alternative
Wait longer before checking for a reply
Allow someone else to make a minor decision
Try something new without knowing exactly how it will go
The aim isn't recklessness.
It's becoming more flexible around ordinary uncertainty.
7. Focus on Your Ability to Cope
Anxiety often asks:
"How can I make sure this doesn't happen?"
Sometimes a more useful question is:
"If something difficult did happen, how might I cope?"
This shifts the focus from needing complete control over the future towards developing confidence in your ability to respond to it.
Acceptance Doesn't Mean Giving Up
The word acceptance can sometimes sound passive.
But accepting uncertainty doesn't mean:
"I don't care what happens."
It means recognising:
"I don't currently know what will happen, and I can still choose how I respond now."
You can prepare.
Make decisions.
Take sensible precautions.
Ask for appropriate advice.
And then recognise the point where further thinking is no longer helping.
When Might Difficulty With Uncertainty Be a Problem?
Everyone finds some uncertainties difficult.
But it may be worth seeking support if you find yourself:
Worrying for long periods about possible outcomes
Frequently seeking reassurance
Repeatedly checking things
Avoiding decisions because you're afraid of choosing incorrectly
Spending excessive time researching possible problems
Struggling to relax until things feel resolved
Avoiding new experiences because you cannot predict the outcome
Feeling overwhelmed by relatively ordinary changes or unknowns
Difficulty tolerating uncertainty can occur alongside anxiety and worry, and can also be relevant in difficulties such as obsessive-compulsive disorder.
That doesn't mean experiencing these patterns automatically indicates a particular diagnosis.
What matters is how much distress they cause and how significantly they interfere with your life.
Psychological therapy can help identify the strategies you're using to manage uncertainty and explore whether some of those strategies are inadvertently keeping the anxiety going.
Final Thoughts
Uncertainty is difficult because our brains are very good at trying to predict what comes next.
Planning, preparing and solving problems are valuable abilities.
But they have limits.
Sometimes there simply isn't enough information yet.
The email hasn't arrived.
The decision hasn't been made.
The future hasn't happened.
At those moments, the challenge may not be finding the right answer.
It may be learning that you can cope for a while without having one.
You don't need to eliminate uncertainty before you continue with your day.
You don't need to predict every possible outcome.
And you don't need complete certainty to make a reasonable decision.
Sometimes the most useful response to "What if?" is not another hour of thinking.
It's recognising:
"I don't know yet — and I can handle not knowing for now."
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does uncertainty make me so anxious?
Uncertainty means we cannot confidently predict what will happen next. For some people, this triggers increased worry, planning, checking or reassurance-seeking as the mind tries to regain a sense of control.
What is intolerance of uncertainty?
Intolerance of uncertainty is a psychological concept describing a tendency to find uncertain situations particularly difficult or distressing. It has been studied extensively in relation to worry and anxiety.
Why do I always need to know what's going to happen?
Knowing what to expect can create a sense of predictability and control. If uncertainty feels threatening, you may find yourself trying to anticipate every possibility before you feel able to relax.
Why do I keep asking people for reassurance?
Reassurance can temporarily reduce anxiety by making a situation feel more certain. However, if reassurance is repeatedly needed, it can sometimes strengthen the belief that you cannot cope with uncertainty without somebody else confirming that things are okay.
Why do I overthink decisions?
Decision-making involves uncertainty because we rarely know exactly how each option will turn out. If making the "wrong" choice feels particularly threatening, you may continue analysing in an attempt to guarantee the right outcome.
Is intolerance of uncertainty linked to anxiety?
Yes. Difficulty tolerating uncertainty is strongly associated with worry and anxiety, although experiencing discomfort with uncertainty does not by itself mean someone has an anxiety disorder.
How can I become more comfortable with uncertainty?
It can help to distinguish useful problem-solving from attempts to achieve certainty, reduce repetitive checking or reassurance-seeking, practise making reasonable decisions with incomplete information, and gradually experience manageable amounts of uncertainty without immediately trying to remove it.
Can therapy help with intolerance of uncertainty?
Yes. Psychological therapy can help identify beliefs and behaviours that make uncertainty particularly difficult and develop more flexible ways of responding to worry, checking, reassurance-seeking and decision-making.
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